Mark#29 – 5 Things Meme

My pal Leona has hit me with the ‘5 things you don’t know about me’ meme. This means I’m now obliged to tell you 5 random things about myself that you hopefully didn’t already know about me, and hopefully find worth knowing.

Here goes…

1) I can fit my entire fist in my mouth.

2) A confession: I once let my brother get in trouble with the police for smashing a window that I actually smashed (to this day I don’t think Andy knew I was behind it…I was going to save that one for my best man speech at his wedding next year, but whatever, I have more than enough ammo for that!).

3) One of my biggest ambitions is to write a screenplay despite a comprehensive lack of screenplay-writing knowledge.

4) I used to be in Oldham Theatre Workshop and appeared on stage in ‘Alice Through the Looking Glass’ and in an episode of Emmerdale Farm. My budding acting career was prematurely ended when I was booted out due to misbehaviour that was wrongly attributed to me (this could be karma for the window-smashing incident).

5) My favourite TV programmes include: Homes Under the Hammer; Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares; Lost; 24; So You Think You Can Dance.

April, Goooooders and Pete, it’s now on you to continue the ‘5 things…’ fun.


8 Responses to Mark#29 – 5 Things Meme

  1. gooders says:

    dude homes under the hammers is a terrible program, but I can’t stop watching it either. I hate how they use background music in such a predictable way. But I love to hate it so its fine.

    my 5 things?….. crap, ok.

    1. I have an infection that my doctor calls “dandruff of the eyelid”. Strange, but true
    2. I once voted BNP in a local election (I don’t want them to govern, I just want them to have a voice)
    3. I once smashed a window on st james school and then paid mrs light for it because it was the “right thing to do”. The next day I smashed another one but this time I just kept running and didn’t look back. NB: both smashes were accidental.
    4. I know where andy lions kept his spare key (before he flew the nest). One time when his whole family went on holiday I snuck into his house and had a cookie from his biscuit tin and then locked up behind me and left again.
    5. I once sang a solo part in an opera that my college produced.

    OK I’m done. This reminds me of

  2. Pete says:


    1. I have a dent in my forehead. Result of tragic tricycle accident the day of my baby brother’s Christening. Went arse-over-tea-kettle after hitting a cement curb.

    2. Started my one and only fistfight about 6, 7 years ago. Unfortunately I thought I could take on three guys at once (alcohol may have been a factor), but I was defending a lady’s honour so getting my ass kicked while cars drove by on Bloor Street honking at the melee was totally worth it. Well, it was once we’d determined the blood was coming from behind my ear, and not from inside it.

    3. Was a child star as well, of at least Mickey Rooney calibre. Okay, more like Carl Switzer… Brought down the house at age 7 in a Sunday school production of “A Charlie Brown Christmas”, playing Linus Van Pelt. My delivery of Linus’ ‘shepherds in their fields’ soliloquay made the churchies weep. In grade 3 I gave life to ‘Pentagon’ in an interperative performance about polygons. Followed that up playing the demanding dual role of both Mr and Mrs Teevee in a grade 7 production of “Charlie and Chocolate Factory”. Thus ended my career treading the boards. Still waiting on my Lifetime Achievement gong from the Tony Awards.

    4. I’m convinced that Brussels sprouts should be proscribed under the Biological Weapons Convention and am concerned that they aren’t already. How many more lives need be lost before we wake up and take action?

    5. My year or two in Korea will spawn a literary masterpiece comparable to Graham Greene. And you can all have an autographed copy. Think about that – how many Booker Prize-winners do you know personally?

  3. Pete says:

    Aw jeeze – you can delete one of those.

  4. Pete says:

    Oh they’re slightly different… spike the first one, bitte!

  5. markandapril says:

    First one is outta here.

    Guys, those are flippin’ hilarious. Hilariously, Gooooooders, April and I went for dinner tonight and I told the story of when Gooders smashed the windows, only for him to tell me that he had included it in his 5 things (I hadn’t seen his comment by this point). Bizarre coincidence.

    Dandruff of the eyelid?? Dude that is NASTY!!! I wonder what other parts of the body can suffer from dandruff.

    And voting for BNP is pretty shocking too – though I do totally understand the rationale behind it and have tried to explain multiple times to April the reasons that perfectly normal people might have sympathies in that direction.

    I have seen postsecret before a long long time ago – fantastic site!

    And Pete, man I laughed so hard at your third item, and number two (hee hee) also made me think a bit. And I’m totally with you on the sprouts thing….urgh! I’ll make a deal with you, if you give us a signed copy of your Booker Prize-winning book, I’ll give you a signed copy of my Oscar-nominated (well it must be harder to win an Oscar after all!) screenplay.


  6. Andy says:

    I’ve always protested my innocence over the windown smashing incident. At the time I did actually contact Peter Falk to see if he could jet over for a quick investigation, but he was busy at the time having his glass peeper re-blown into a novelty demon eye for a halloween party he planned to attend.

    However, I should’ve worked out the truth myself really considering that Mark has a history of allowing me to take the fall in the aftermath of his stunts, though quite how he managed to implicate me when they found a naked dwarf bound and gagged in HIS closet I’ll never know.

    Truth is, I’m not too mad – I’m a Santa fearing man and worry that a brotherly dispute could tarnish the festive season. (Though I have printed this webpage in support of the legal proceedings I plan to bring against him in the New Year).

  7. Leona Hobbs says:

    A screenplay, eh? Perhaps you could draw inspiration from a certain Toronto PR agency… think of it… office romance, a cat trapped in a box-spring, certifiably insane clients…

  8. April says:

    I just realized I haven’t got round to answering this. Not sure I can come up with 5 things no-one knows (my life, after all, is an open book…) but I shall try:

    1) I learned to drive at the tender age of 13 when I worked for the alcoholics on the horse farm. They had been out drinking and required picking up from the pub so I revved up their trusty old Volvo station wagon (thank God those things are built like tanks) and figured things out as I went along. Nothing like trial-by-fire. Miraculously, there were zero fatalities.

    2) Once upon a time, my mom organized a “playdate” for my sister and I with this obnoxious kid. Fio and I were beleaguered by the girl’s whining, so I offered her a glass of “chocolate milk” (but actually poured soy sauce in with regular milk). She totally threw up but somehow seemed less annoying after that.

    3) Where we grew up, there was this random shed behind our house. I thought it would be a great idea to convert it into a mini-house where I could live independently, until I pried the lock off and opened the door only to be swarmed by bats.

    4) When I was little, I wanted to marry Merv Griffin because I really, REALLY loved The Price is Right.

    5) Whenever I’m coming down with the flu, I have a recurring dream of being chased by wolves.

    Crap, aren’t they???

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